Waiting...

Before you sit down, grab a snack. This is going to be a long one...

Nearly a year and a half ago, I sat down and was blatantly honest with God about my future. I told him what I would love to do, where I’d love to be, what I thought my options at the time were. I shared with him my fears, my excitements, and I attempted to lay it all down at his feet. I was still a year out from graduation, but I wanted to make sure that when the time came, I’d be able to follow in the direction God was taking me.
A few months later, the path I thought I was supposed to take was closed pretty blatantly in my face. I was ok with it. Bummed definitely, but I had been asking God to make it obvious if I was supposed to travel down that path and continue on to a different country. The program closed. Well, that was obvious. Thank the Lord!
The more I prayed and the more I listened the more it was stirred within me that I really wanted to move. I didn’t know what job I desired, but I had a location in mind: out West. I sat my parents down at Christmas, and told them of my desire to move and the current plans I was working on to help make that happen. Those plans included applying for several summer jobs to get my foot in the door and then pursue a full-time job once fall was underway. Needless to say, I didn’t get any of the jobs that I applied for. Ok, Lord, that didn’t go well, but I can’t wait to see what you have!
Graduation came and went without me moving or landing a full-time job. Right after graduation, I was ok with not having a job. I enjoyed the summer, hung out with an old friend, recovered from school, and was curious if a relationship with a certain someone was going to develop. Summer flew by, and I was disappointed. I thought I’d have a job by August at the latest. But I was still anticipating God to hand me that job out West. About a month ago, I was really wrestling with God. The relationship didn’t work out, I didn’t have a full-time job, my friends were across the country, and I was still at home! I was pretty bitter and had moments of depression. “Ok, God. I knew this was going to take time, but that’s why we talked a year ago. To start preparing me for whatever you have. Soooooooo, let’s go. I’m ready. I don’t like being here in the doldrums. I feel worthless.” My prayer then became, “Help me BE where I am. And be overflowing with thankfulness for being here. Show me why I’m here for this time.”
I have been doing pretty well with God’s help: I’ve gotten involved in a small group, God has provided several random part-time jobs, and I’m staying involved in youth ministry by substitute teaching! I even got a chance to visit my two best friends out West!! It was wonderful. While there, I fought with God again. I was offered a job. Doing something I love. In a place I love. Near people I love. What was the problem? As I was going through the interview I kept feeling God nudge me, “Grace, this isn’t it. This isn’t what I have for you. Keep waiting.” I wanted to yell back, “I’ve been waiting nearly 6 months!!!” Instead, I went home, tried to explain my insane logic to those closest to me, and then cried for 2 days.
20-something applications and resumes and 2 turned down jobs later, I’m still living at home without a full-time job. I feel as if I’ve been on quite the roller coaster for the past 6 months… and I don’t like roller coasters.As you can tell, the theme of my life lately has been waiting. God’s been teaching and stretching me a lot. During small group this week, Scott Krippayne’s song, “Sometimes He Calms the Storm” was playing in the background. And the lyrics jumped out at me.“Sometimes he calms the storm with a whispered, ‘Peace. Be still.’ He can settle any sea, but it doesn’t mean he will. Sometimes he holds us close and lets the wind and waves go wild. Sometimes he calms the storm, and other times he calms his child.”
And that is what he’s been doing. He’s been calming me. When I trust him, I see the good that has come out of this awkward time of waiting. I’ve been here for my family during some difficult times, I’ve grown closer to an old friend who has been such a source of encouragement, I’ve gotten to travel, God’s provided work so that I can be saving money, I’m learning to be flexible, I have gotten better about working out, I’m learning to trust in God alone, I’ve made a new friend or two, God’s putting me in the path of several unbelievers, and I’m pretty sure I’ll really appreciate it when God shows me the next step. God’s plan is sovereign. I can trust that he definitely has one for me, but his ways aren’t my ways, his thoughts aren’t my thoughts, and his timing is certainly not my own! But he can see the bigger picture. Praise the Lord that I’m not flying blindly! He has a plan and a purpose, and it WILL be fulfilled in his timing. So here I am I. Waiting for God’s perfect timing and plan.