Hello, My Name Is

There are few things in life that I truly hate. There are things I don’t like such as people driving under the speed limit. Let me tell you, people driving under the speed limit gets me ruffled, but it’s not something that I passionately hate. I would have to say that one of the few things that I hate is fake people. Perhaps, it’s because the experiences I’ve had with fake people over the years haven’t been pleasant. Perhaps, it’s because I’ve been comfortable in my own skin most of the time. Whatever the reason, fake people irk me.
The Bible says that wounds from a friend can be trusted. The truth of this verse didn’t really make sense to me until a few weeks ago. Recently, my best friend, long story short, called me out. Essentially, without saying much, she told me I had become a fake. Ooo, did that make my blood boil. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I wasn’t mad at her but at myself. She was right. I had become what I hated most, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
It has been a few weeks now and I am still wrestling at the implications of her honesty. I have been fake. I’m hiding behind an image, and since it’s a persona I’ve been wearing for a while, it’s not easily shaken. I subconsciously put it on every morning like I put on my clothes and make-up. It’s not who I am, but there are days that I wonder which side is truly me.
A question I’ve asked myself is, “why?” Why have I adopted this masquerade? The answer, I’ve decided, is two-fold. One, it makes me feel stronger, more resilient. Things are easier to laugh off, don’t hurt as much, and don’t faze me. I don’t feel as much with this fake id. Secondly, it doesn’t allow others to see the real me, diminishing the possibilities of them hurting me. I maintain the upper hand by only revealing small bits at my choosing. Let me tell you, both reasons are dumb and selfish.
So now what?... A journey of being humbly honest and open… Wow. That was hard to write. God gave me a specific purpose and a specific identity in him, and I need to live that so others see his truth in my life. If I’m living my life from behind a mask, his love will be misunderstood if communicated at all.
So, to my family, friends, and co-workers (a unique family of our own), I’m sorry. To my best friend, thanks for calling me out on my crap. Let’s start again.

Hello, my name is Amanda Grace…